Tuesday, May 8, 2012
ending...
i tried to decide how i should write this ending to an extraordinary adventure...I decided to just conclude this blog by cutting and pasting my final report...this report has parts of my blog incorporated into it...
Megan Atkins
May 8, 2012
NGO Final Report
This
morning I awoke like usual, super early and to a pitch black room knowing that
the faint rooster calls were soon going to be closer to my window. As I lay in
my bed under my mosquito net, my mind began to wonder what it will be like to
find myself back in the US in a week. I imagined waking to a warm spring
morning with my fiancé and Labrodoodle by my side and going about my everyday
life, encountering far fewer smiles than I have become accumstomed to here in
Chilangomia. I began to ponder the experiences of my time here in Malawi as a
Manager in Training (MIT). I feel I have achieved my personal goals;
experienced the local culture, and experiencing first-hand the projects that
my company supports. There’s no doubt, I will have lingering
thoughts on what the future holds for the children of Malawi. These children
have taught me so much in the last three months. They have reminded me that
life itself is much more precious than anything else could or would ever be, and
to never take it for granted. I have had the honor to work and observe these
children day-after-day and week-after-week. I have watched many of them battle
a sickness or disease without much medical assistance. But, no matter how acute
the illness may be, these miraculous children still wear smiles that would melt
Lambert Glacier in a second.
All of these thoughts suddenly overwhelmed me, and I started to feel a little anxiety. This anxiety was brought on by the
thought of losing my own sense of purpose, not knowing where to fit in. While in Chilangomia I have grumbled and disputed about, and often disbelieved the effectiveness of my work, and of “the help” in general, I don’t think many
of I have regularly woken without a sense of being somehow desired and valued.
This sense of purpose may be misplaced, perhaps artificially preserved by our
status as“white people,” our sense of “knowing what should be done," being part
of a larger organization, or a vague notion that I maybe “helping”,
somehow. At some level, I can always feel that I have a “mission”. This sense
of being needed is of course frequently bruised, usually when our Malawian
employees and employers seem to ignore, forget, resist or undermine what we
suggest, and then we become frustrated and left with our hands-tied. I came here in hopes to help the development of sustainable living. This is
not uncommon. It is then, that I turn to my other important source of feeling
part of something and of having a place. I moan and rant with what used to be just a fellow DI's, but now have become friends. Our social networks here,
formed early on but always flexible and welcoming, are powerful sources of
support and identity in this odd situation. Volunteers are always an eclectic cluster of people from all over the world.
I have acknowledged the fact that since we are all from such diverse backgrounds
that we would never have gotten to know each other or even become friends under
ordinary circumstances. Living in an extraordinary place with no support from a
familiar source, with a new culture, language and challenges to face, is hardly
a normal circumstance. All of the superficial differences between DI’s are
overshadowed by our common predicament and goals. So we end up supporting each
other in an unusually open and inclusive way, knowing that we rely on and need
one another. Friendship and trust are assumed, and freely given. On the flip
side, tensions can also intensify in this pressure-cooked environment, with resulting flare-ups and fallouts. One
thing I have grown accustom to, is “looking-out for myself”, there have been a
few incidents that have occurred while I have been in Malawi. I recall one time, I had to defend my country. I found myself explaining what was seen on the big screen was false, and had no correlation with "real life" in the states.
I had a fellow DI that neglected to take care of her own health, and that in turn put other’s health at risk. Volunteers are
all slightly unusual individuals perhaps, but we all have chosen the same path.
This path reminds me of a poem, “The Road Not Taken”, written by one of my
favorite poets’ Robert Frost. Frost describes his courage by saying “…and I - /
I took the one less traveled by, / and that has made all the difference.”
(Frost 18-20). I think the reasoning behind this occurrence is the missing
puzzle piece we all sometimes struggle to find. To me this poem weighs heavy
with truth when making life decisions, and to have the courage to be able to be
an individual and look back and understand why we made the decisions we did.
The DI’s and I had the courage to travel across the world, and come
face-to-face with poverty and diseases; with the hope to try and mobilize the
local people to develop a sustainable living. We have had many nightly
discussions on “what our purpose really was here”. The outcomes varied from
discussion-to-discussion because of new experiences we had encountered
in-between. We sometimes struggled with coming to terms with why we chose this
path of risking our own health while trying to help develop the people of
Malawi; this discussion was always the result of a fellow DI falling sick with
one of the local diseases such as “malaria”.
In the end, we are all very conscious and are able to look back and
understand why we chose this path.
The
“Warm Heart of Africa” will always have a special place in my heart. This
experience has made me change the way I look at the world. I now have an
understanding of what poverty and disease really are. Also, I feel that I’m not
so narrow-minded when it comes to what really matters in life. My first hand
experiences in Malawi are going to be very beneficial in my new position as a
Territory Manager. I hope to educate the citizens in the U.S. on
how we can “help” the development of a sustainable living in Malawi. I want to
enlighten them on how recycling; clothing, shoes and handbags are not only
beneficial to the environment in the U.S. but, it will also give the Malawian’s
hope for being able to have a better future. Also, by collecting and reselling the recycled
textiles allows us to support the training of teachers, small-scale farming,
Child Aid community development, vocational training and the combat against
HIV/Aids.
One of the many
things that I will miss when I leave this exquisite country, the free time I
have to reflect on my day. I’m not consumed by the fast paced lifestyle in the
U.S. like; getting off of work and hopping onto the interstate to drive home,
trying to return emails and phone calls, finding time to walk my dog, clean the
house, laundry, and spending time with my fiancé. This reflection time has
allowed me to really enjoy and cherish each special moment of every day. I know
I’m not here long enough to follow-up, and see if I have made an impact...and if
the children are remembering everything I attempted to teach them. One thing is
for sure though; I will remember everything they have taught me for the rest of
my life…
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